Dear Future Self,
I hope the days since you have written this have treated you better than this one. I hope you no longer fear the way the sunlight hits your face and makes you feel alive. I hope you had some time to help yourself when you needed it and allowed yourself the time it takes to heal. Since you’re reading this in the future, I’ll give you a glimpse into what you were doing when you wrote this.
It’s been a week since you’ve done anything other than go to work and go to bed. Currently, your eyes are in a constant state of swollen from the exhaustion and the tears and you’ve gotten really good at smiling and telling people it’s just allergy problems. The lonely you’ve been feeling isn’t a lonely that’s fixed with love. It’s deep in your heart. It’s in a place that only you know about. For that reason, it’s difficult for other people to know it’s there, which makes it difficult to explain. It eats at your spirit and only feels full when there is nothing left. This type of lonely is tragic, knowing you are surrounded with people who care so deeply about you when caring for yourself seems like the most impossible task. You barely recognize the shell that you live in. You can thank anxiety and depressionfor that.